Have you ever been to Walton on the Naze? Like its sister resort of Clacton on Sea it has a long (790 metre) pier with fairground amusements and fishermen casting lines fruitlessly into the grey-green swell. But Walton on the Naze is tiny by comparison and almost genteel, without a single shop selling seaside rock moulded into ‘TINY TITTIES’ –  little pink sugar lollipop breasts that are a best-seller in Clacton and Hastings. Its pier amusements are undercover and under-peopled, off-season the Ghost Train man gave us 3 free rides, just for the company.

The roundabout is one of those repro fibreglass ones, with British flags – the Cross of St.George, Welsh dragon, St. Piran’s flag –  the Standard of Cornwall, and so on, suspended  from the roof, and there are ‘Speak Your Weight’ weighing machines everywhere you look.

Win a dwarf and another weighing machine.

Some toddlers were being spun centrifugally in this chair swing.

Her daddy operates the Hardrock Waltzer.


‘Hook a Duck,’ and weighing machine no.3.

The sinister Easter Island-style head on this aeroplane-ride seems to be modeled on my favourite actor Terry Thomas in Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines (1965), playing the diabolical cad Sir Percy Ware-Armitage who ships his bi-plane across the Channel by boat,  or perhaps in his later incarnation as Dick Dastardly in Dastardly and Muttley and Wacky Races from Hannah-Barbara productions.

We exceeded the height limit and so weren’t allowed to fly.

The public lavatories are Arts and Crafts and in much better nick than the hording.

‘Welcome to Walton on the Naze – England’s Friendliest Resort!’

A local shop,

Walton Pier has been providing a great day out for Londoners for over a century. There wasn’t time to try the Singing Kettle Restaurant, or to get to the  fossil-strew Naze promontory and its marshland and wild birds. That’s why we’re going back in a month or two.

[All images : copyright bibleofbritishtaste.com ]

WALTON PIER – FUN FOR ALL THE FAMILY !   www.waltonpier.co.uk/